Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
