I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize