Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
