who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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