Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
