I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
