i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
