You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
