get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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