I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
