So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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