Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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