Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
