as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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