Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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