Jerry, you need to find god
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I love you.
Bad choice
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
