Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
