Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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