Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
