If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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