Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
