just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
