I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
