I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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