I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
