i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
