WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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