I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize