He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
