mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is this the sara with the beer cane?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
