I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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