Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
