i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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