Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
