heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
