yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
