Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
