Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All the doctor said was why
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
