when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
North Korea, Best Korea!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
