Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize