I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
