yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
