I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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