You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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