What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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