I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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