How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
