Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
