Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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