I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
