1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize