I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
