Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
