Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he shaved USA in his pubs
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to be your penis for a week.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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