sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
