Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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