okay pat passed out under dana's car
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
