I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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