So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
