I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
