I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
