Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
