I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
