508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
