Pappa wants mamma naked
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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