Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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