Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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