You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
