Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
