If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
