Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
