Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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