Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
