turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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