if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize