If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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