You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
