I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
