I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need moral support for this bender
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
