My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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