A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
