You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
