He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
