the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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