i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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