you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
