WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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