it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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