I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
