I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
