Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
