Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
