I bet he comes in French.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize