I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
