My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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