tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
