The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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