there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
