i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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