I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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