If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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