Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
