ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
