you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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