Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
