I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize