The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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