I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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