Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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