You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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