put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
