Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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