dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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