1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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