he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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