If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
