guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
