in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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