I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
