Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
