she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
