she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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