dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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