2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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