im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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